My 40 in 40 Creativity Challenge - Days 7 - 34

I haven't been as meticulous in writing here as I wanted to be. I wanted to write something here every day. However, life happens and plans change. Working overnights with developmentally delayed children is extremely exhausting. I sleep all day, every day. And on my days off...I sleep. Thankfully this will be changing in one week. But it has also hindered my creativity challenge.

I have done a lot of writing. Most of it ended up being more journalistic and not publishable here. But it is still writing - and that is the important thing. I have also done some coloring in "grown up" coloring books. (I don't want to say "adult coloring books" because that sounds like I'm coloring porn pages. And that's just weird...and gross.) 

I did take out all of my tile mosaic items and brought them to the dinette table. I just haven't had the opportunity to do anything with them. 

Add to my exhaustion that it has been hot and humid. I don't work well with hot and humid. Since I only have an air conditioner in my bedroom, I stay in there. The rest of the house feels like a kiln. So that did not create a productive environment for me.

I cannot be disappointed in my lack of creating much. I am writing again. That makes it all worth it. And I went through all of my boxes. That is herculean right there! I have been reading everyday also, which is having me restart my book blog, The Bookwhore's Guide to Books! (Restarting soon!)

So creative juices are flowing. I am being creative once again. Just not in the public way I thought I would. And that's wonderful!

Winter is Coming!

Unfortunately I have to spend another winter in upstate New York. Well, it's not really upstate; there's a heck of a lot more state "up" from me. I guess I'm in mid-state New York. And winter sucks here. It's not like Westchester or NYC, where you can park your car in a parking garage or cozy driveway and take public transportation. While I still hated winter in "downstate" New York, there was the, dare I say, luxury of public transportation. Up here, not so much. 

Although we are in the midst of an end of August heat wave, my neurotic mind is keeping me awake at night thinking about all the things I need to do or get before the cold hits. It's disturbing. But after last year, I now know what I need to get through it with a little more ease and hopefully a lot more comfort.

Considering all the Home Depots, WalMarts, and Lowes in a 50 mile radius sold out of salt, sand, and space heaters...I know to stock up early this year. And to buy a small space heater, with a blower, by the middle of October. 

I also would like to stock up on blankets. Last year I had several blankets, but they are all either the fleece (too hot to breathe) ones or the comfy knit cotton (made with holes) ones. This year I would like a comforter. The last one I had was from college: 1993! I held onto it up until 2003, when I tossed it after it was my cat's blankie for about 3 years. I don't want anything fancy; just something comfy cozy. And although I am currently sleeping on a twin mattress, I want a full size comforter for added comforting. 

After spending just about every single day for 5-6 months shoveling a pathway from my front door down the hill to my car, I now want a snowblower. Nothing major. A small one I can keep on the back porch. Because even with a hat, a scarf, one of those face-covering-muff-things, thick gloves over thinner knit gloves, and boots - I still managed to sweat, freeze and get windburn on the tiny areas of skin around my eyes that was showing. A snowblower would cut the time I have to spend making a path. While we are discussing that path, I need the wind fence put up. Last year, toward the end of winter...in April!...my father mentioned that he should have put the wind fence up so the wind would continually blow the snow back into the path I just worked an hour to make. Yup - woulda helped a ton! So, I need that set up in October, too.

After I get a space heater (with a blower), a comforter, some more blankets, a small snowblower, salt, sand, and a wind fence erected - I then have to focus on my car. Hopefully by the end of October I will have a new car. Well, a newer car. Or a new-to-me car. Because my little blue Focus has already made it known that she is not pulling my ass through another upstate...sorry, mid-state...New York winter. Whatever car I have, I have to have the wonderful and amazing snow tires I had last year. Although I did have 3-4 scary 360 degree spin outs last year, it could have been a lot worse. And those spin outs were from having to be at work (30 minutes away) at 5:30 am when roads are not tended to at that time. Now that I work a lot closer to the house, and working 9-5 shifts, the majority of roads will be at least plowed a little. 

So then after I get a space heater (with blower), a comforter, some blankets, a small snowblower, salt, sand, a wind fence, snow tires on my newer car...I have to get house essentials. We get snow-pocalypse weather. And living on top of a mountain with no tree barriers, the wind rips through the house and we lose power...a lot. I have to have batteries, water, food that can be eaten without cooking or refrigeration (learned that one the hard way!!), and flashlights. 

Now, not only will I be ready for the snow-mageddon, I will be ready for the zombie apocalypse as well. Bring on the cold, the snow, and the white walkers! Winter is coming my friends! Are you ready?!

Crazy texts

For some reason, I start sending crazy texts to my friend, Patty, when I am bored. In a way, it gets my creative motor running. And in another way, I'm sure I'm being a pain in the ass. I don't just send one text and I'm done. Oh no. I send my crazy texts 1 to 2 sentences at a time. So the receiver of my texts get ding after ding after ding. It's like those activities where you go around the room, each saying one word to create a funny and weird story. Except, this is just me. Does anyone else send crazy texts?

Here's my favorite crazy text story...(each line is a new text)

So I'm getting engaged!! 
I know it's quick & all...but I think we match!!
Not sure if we should tell our kids we met from me flashing my boobie at a bar. 
Then we are moving to Honduras...
Cuz why not?!
We're gonna sign up to move to Mars & start a colony of humans there.
Maybe I can be a teacher - ESL for Martians!!
~The next day~
I did it...finally!
I joined a temple & converted! I'm a Jew!
Mazeltov to me!
Now we can get married.
~The next day~
So we are getting married at Temple Beth el AME Zionic Episcostal Bapthurian Center for Shamanistic Healing of Latter Day Shenanigans.
On the summer solstice
Clothing optional

Another favorite text story...(All because my friend, Patty wouldn't say fuck when I visited her! She's a good Southern lady - she says!)

I saw a (an?) UFO last night!!
It was soooooo close!
I was sitting out on the balcony upstairs (I guess that's redundant...of course the balcony is upstairs, it's a balcony!)...
So I decided to climb onto the flat part of the roof for a better look. (I always climb out onto that part of the roof...it's my hang out spot!)
I used glow-in-the-dark, neon green & orange spray paint & wrote across the roof, "Please take me with you!! 
 + = "
(Which everyone knows is the universal sign for 'beam me up, I'm awesome!')
(They might not read English, you know. I mean, who am I to assume they can read English! Why be so narcissistic. Anyway, emojis are a universal language.)
Amazingly, a beam of light shone down on me & in an instant, I was aboard their ship!
The one who appeared to be a leader spoke to me! He said, "We've been looking for you! But you move around more than a snarkle in a bijorken!" (Which must have been funny cuz they all laughed heartily.)(Oh, and they weren't speaking English, but I somehow understood their language!)
He continued, "We dropped you off here on earth nearly 40 years ago & we are to bring you back to our home planet where you are our princess & where we will do nothing but pleasure you! But did you complete your task?"
"What task??" I asked, totally confused, yet having some sort of deja vu & a sense of home with them.
"You know...the task of the recording of Patty saying 'fuck'! Please do not disappoint us by saying you did not complete your mission!"
I bowed my head & told them I had failed.
They looked at each other sadly, shook their heads (they each had two, so it was weird) and said they'll be back for me in another 40 years. And poof, I was back on my roof and watched as they pulled a 'u-ey' & jumped into hyperspace.
Sigh...such is my life.

Home

As an adult, I have lived in a variety of places I never expected to live. The past couple years have been the hardest. I expected to have my own place by the time I turned 40. But that isn't in my cards. Maybe by the time I'm 41. I really need my own place; it has been so long since I lived by myself in my own apartment. As much as I appreciate living with roommates, housemates, and other people, I truly need a place I can call mine...my home.

Obviously, there was time spent in a dorm or two in college at SUNY Oneonta. I had a revolving door of roommates every semester until I finally was granted a single room. Saying "single room" makes it sound as though I had an entire normal size room to myself. What I had, in actuality, was what I, lovingly, referred to as a shoebox with a bed in it. But it was MY shoebox with a bed in it! Having a friend over was too complicated and claustrophobic, so I visited others' rooms to socialize. I spent most of that year in the theater anyway. 

Whenever I had my own apartment, I have loved it and made it mine. I had a cool apartment in Oneonta over a 3 car garage for a little while. We called it "The Web" due to all the spider webs throughout the stairwell. And this was before the real web of the internet existed. I had a sunny apartment with a great porch overlooking Ashford Avenue in Dobbs Ferry. 

My favorite apartment was in Cleveland, Tennessee. It was the closest thing to a home that I have had in a long time. It was bright and beautiful. I had friends over all the time; all my dragonfly prints and statues were out on display. It was simple, but it was cozy. And I haven't been able to have that again...so far.

Since 2009, I have had more than my share of renting rooms from people. I rented a room from a crazy cat lady for a year. She had post it notes on everything. I thought that was for my benefit: "pots" labeled the cabinet for pots in the kitchen, "silverware" on the drawer, etc. However, after I removed those post-its when I became familiar with everything...they were replaced right away. I soon realized these post-its were for her. Then I really noticed them. There was a post-it on the pull string for the fan. It said FAN. One in the shower gave directions for using the shower. And one large post-it on the back of the front door listing her name and address! Even more weird than the labeling everything in the apartment, was her stuffed teddy bear fetish. She had an extremely hard time (I mean, panic attack level) finding me a spot on her sectional sofa because she didn't want to move her stuffed animals. Eventually she gave me her space while she took her cat's spot...but she bitched about it every chance she got.

When I had enough of that crazy train, I boarded another...I just didn't know how much crazy I was getting into. I answered a craigslist ad for a room. I know I know I know! But this was before people were murdering or raping people who answered Craigslist ads. Back when it was a legit place to find housing or a job! Plus, they would let me keep my cat - that is huge when trying to find a room to rent. 

It was a gorgeous house on the Hastings/Yonkers border...right on the Hudson River. I met with the owner of the house and her girlfriend. Ends up that her girlfriend used to be a counselor at the middle school and knew of my family. They didn't seem like psychopathic murderers, so I planned to move into their attic room a month later.

Apparently, they made a bunch of changes in that one month. When I moved in, there were other tenants in the other bedrooms. The landladies had decided to rent out all of their spare rooms through airbnb.com. However, all of the tenants had to share one bathroom! This was not what I signed on to. As I'm carrying boxes up the insane amount of stairs to my great attic room, I passed what seemed to be a small delegation from the UN. The three other rental rooms housed guests from all over the world. While airbnb.com was just hitting America, it was a booming business in Europe and the rest of the world. And it seems as though, every tourist to NY, stayed for awhile at my new home.

The traveling guests weren't so bad (well, some were!); the landladies were the main issue. Sue and Helen (yes I gave them fake names to cover up their crazy!) were having problems and every single person who spent time at the house knew it. With Sue sleeping on the couch and Helen not coming home until late, the two of them fought like crazy. You could feel the tension in the house when you opened the door. Finally, Sue moved back to Holland...or was it Denmark? I don't know anymore; I tried to tune out their yelling and drama. 

With Sue gone, Helen didn't know what to do with the guests. She really never wanted to rent out the rooms, but now that she was getting good money, she couldn't kick people out. But Helen is not what you would call a people person. (Although she is a social worker - that does not mean you are a people person...though you should be one!) Helen asked for my help in exchange for rent. Worked for me! Especially since I did not have any secure jobs during my four years at that house.

Little did I know, I would soon become Helen's indentured servant. It started simply enough. I was to clean the main rooms of the house once every week and clean the guest bedrooms between guests. It then became greeting the guests, giving them directions/train times to NYC, checking out guests, and cleaning her bedroom and bathroom. But then we had some really nasty guests and cleaning once a week wasn't good enough. And then it became winter and Sue was the one who always shoveled the snow off the 25 steep steps, the patio and then the other 5 steps to the front door. And since I was shoveling for hours, couldn't I shovel out her car too...didn't I know that she had a bad back?

It spiraled out of control. And when I asked to go back to paying my full rent and not doing these "chores," Helen told me that was not going to happen. When she went through a season of putting the house on the market to see if there was any interest, it became even worse. Helen texted me at all times of the day, while I was at work, while I was sleeping - it never ended. Finally, she said she wanted all the long-term tenants out so she could work on selling the house without inconveniencing everyone. So, we all moved out. The house has not sold and now she has no income from renters or anyone to clean or shovel. Helen did actually text me the winter after I moved out and asked me to come shovel for her. She had no problem, seriously asking me to drive 2 hours to shovel her steps and around her car. The woman has major issues. And I am so very glad I am not there anymore.

Now, currently living in my grandparent's house, I am living on my own, but not in my own home. This house hasn't been lived in for nearly 4 or 5 years. Spiders have taken over the entire house, along with the mold. And it isn't my own space. I live out of my duffle bags and boxes. I don't have a bureau or a desk or anything. And I'm not sure I want any of that here. I put my clothes in Rubbermaid drawers and use my boxes as a table and nightstand. I make it work. But it is not home for me. Maybe next Spring, when I can finally move South again, I can find and make my home. Until then, I bloom where I'm planted and make the best out of the situation.

My 40 in 40 Creativity Challenge - Days 1-6

I think I knocked it out of the park with starting this challenge for myself. I have been going through all my boxes and finding all my craft supplies again. It was hard at first, going through box after box of memories from what feels like some distant past life. The memories overwhelmed me at times. Remembering the places I used to live and the time I would spend creating unique gifts for friends. Finding greeting cards I have saved from family and friends celebrating my accomplishments, congratulating me on a performance in a play, or sending condolences for my beloved grandfather's passing. Rediscovering all the Star Wars toys and memorabilia I have bought over the years. 

It brought up who I used to be and haven't been for many years now. I'm not sure who I am at the moment, that's the reason I am doing this creativity challenge. And I'm not sure if I will ever get that version of me back. But I am starting to like who I am becoming lately. And now that I'm getting the creative piece back, I am truly very pleased.

I'm constantly thinking of more things to write. I have had to get up from bed and write down lists of things to write about because my brain would not stop thinking when I was trying to fall asleep. So I was successfully able to rekindle my creative spirit and it feels amazing!!

My 40 in 40 Creative Challenge

I will turn 40 years old in 40 days. I'm not sure how I feel about that. It's weird, I don't feel 40. I don't really know what 40 feels like, I guess. While it is just a number, it is also one of the milestones in a person's life. Typical 40th birthday parties have the black, "over the hill" decorations. But this is 2015 peoples! 40 is not over the hill! I'm still climbing that damn hill!

I do have to admit that I have become somewhat nostalgic with this coming birthday. I have been thinking over my life and realizing that I have lost pieces of myself over the years. Pieces I want back! That is what has prompted me to do what I am calling a 40 in 40 Creative Challenge. I have always been a creative person. Always writing poetry and essays, making crafts, knitting, taking photographs, and making artistic journals. It has always been a huge part of my life. But changing jobs, moving so many times, and dealing with depression, put a damper on my creativity. So this is the perfect time to kick-start my creativity. Get my juices flowing freely once again! 

Everyday, from today to September 19th, I will create something and share that on Facebook and here on my blog. I will post pictures of my progress and share stories of my thoughts and feelings throughout this challenge. The crafts I make, I will not keep (with 1 or 2 exceptions). I want to share them with you. If there is something you see me make, that you would like, please let me know and I will send it to you! 

My countdown begins here...on my blog. I will post throughout this journey. Maybe it will inspire you, my friends, to restart something in your own lives. To reexamine what is missing and reawaken that part of you that was put on the back burner or was pushed to the side while you were busy doing other things.

Welcome to my 40 in 40 journey!